I’ve been on this…all about me and mini me journey for about a week now and I have to say that it is refreshing. I’ve heard that I can be negative from some, so by keeping to myself and dealing with my own issues and demons I don’t have to worry about how my negativity will affect others. I’ve put more focus in the relationship with mini me and I have to admit that we are on a good path, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but due to two stressful weekends that were all about her, I told her that this momma needed a break and she’s off spending quality time with her great grandmother.
I’ve decided to regrow my hair, after almost a year of hair issues, going to various hair stylist, I think that one of the process in this new rebirth, is to get my hair back to a more manageable length and for me that means long. I figure that if I start this process now, that by summer I should have completed that small step.
I continue my search for employment as that is indeed the greatest source of my stress and this past week has opened up my eyes even more so the level of fuckery some will go to – to acheive what? I still can figure that part out, but in order to be the bigger person, I’m just going to breathe deeply and mind my own damn business. If they don’t like it, oh well, I’m at work to work, not be your BFF.
Marcus might be coming to town next weekend and i’m hoping that he does, he has been the true rock of my life for years now and without him in my life I don’t know how I would get out of bed some days.
It funny how when you go through things how folks take it personally. I have to laugh because I myself have bene guilty of that. So i guess I get it, but it’s all good, its just another step of this process that I am allowing myself to go through. I’ve given too many ppl the benefit of the doubt, which has at times allowed them to run all over me as though i don’t have feelings. So until I can figure out how to give it back to them just as much as they give to me, I’ll stay under this rock.
One of the biggest things that’s i’m dealing with, is learning how to let go and let God. That is hard for me, because i’ve been hurt more times than a human should be hurt in the wee little time that i’ve been on this earth. By family, friends and men. I am by no means innocent. I can accept blame for my wrong doing, what I refuse, is to have old shit held against me for years and years. That is something that I totally refuse to accept. So…I’ll continue to live under my rock and heal.
We’ll see who is left when i re-emerge…
