Liars

When did it become necessary to lie every single time one opened their mouth? When and why? I just don’t get it, why is telling the truth no longer in style? I mean a little white lie here and there is not that bad, but an outright, straight faced lie? Why? I just can’t deal with the unnecessary bullshit anymore…please just turn on your shotta heels, walk away and never think of me again. My life was an ok place without you and will continue to be just that without you.

WOW

It has been said, first time it’s YOUR bad, second time, it’s MY bad…but guess what…there will NOT be a third time. You fucked up, BIG time…beat your fucking feet, kick rocks. Not even man enough to to admit when you fucked up…again.

Forget I exsist, loose my number…

I’m not afraid of…

Lions and tigers and bears…but I’m afraid of loving you. My cuzzo wrote that somewhere and I could never figure out where she got it from but this weekend I saw the Jazmine Sullivan video and all of the pieces of the puzzle came to me (yeah yeah cuzzo, I know I’m slow). After being hurt more times than I can count and being disappointed just as many times and going through some mess recently with an old friend;  have come to the decision that while I AM afraid of lions and tigers and bears…I AM also afraid of loving…again.

Its a brand new day

Someone once said “what does not kill you hurts like fuck” and that person was not half wrong. This weekend was truly a testament to that, but I also know that “what does not kill you makes you stronger” and when I woke up this Monday morning, I felt just that, stronger. People, on the outside looking in, always have an opinion to form as to why a person does what they do without having all of the facts and this is why I am taking the time to thank the few people in my life, that love me for me, no judgements, no questions asked:

Cuzzo – FBI agent 1094 – Mom – Mini Me – and some friends that I will not mention, but they know who they are.

They understand that I am me, I don’t always say the most politically correct things, nor do I always act in the most mature manner, no do I always “do the right thing” but guess what? I have a big heart (to a fault at times) and when I care about someone, I care deeply. I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be, I can admit my mistakes, dust my shoulder off and keep it move. But hey, such is life “you either love me or leave me alone”.

Boy I can’t wait till spring to put on a cute dress, some heels and sashay my booty somewhere…lol

Let’s see

Not in a good mood, have not been for a few days. Folks just coming around and tryna mess up ish around you. But guess what? It’s only temporary, if you know me, you know that i’m a strong woman, that i’m no stranger to adversity. I’ve been through some ish in this life and though it might have held me down longer than I would have hoped, I always rise…always…so, though this might have me half way down (nope not all the way, it’s just NOT that serious) as always, I will rise.  You know what they say…what does not kill you makes  you STRONGER

Two Red Envelopes

“What goes around comes around”

“U think u kno but u don’t kno everything”

Yeah I got that first Red Envelope, what was really your point again? I know what I need to know, nothing more beyond that.

Girl; It happened to me could to you years from now just leave well enough alone not independant enough to find your own? tsk tsk tsk

Yeah, I got the seecond Red Envelope, and again I ask what is your point? He is fully aware of both Red Envelopes and their contents. Both which have been brought to the men in Blue.

When you have home issues, keep them there…HOME. Baby girl, you might have felt the need to get all CSI and send out these two Red Envelopes, and have lots of opinions of me and this situation. Just remember, I was not there when you took your vows, that was just the two of you, you and him. Remember that. Keep your side of the story, there is history of which you have no idea, therefore making the need to your side of the story totally unecessary to me.

You might have thrown a stick in the road, two steps were taken back, but history likes this just does not go away. Two Red Envelopes, does not make it go away. Handle YOUR business with YOUR partner and get rid of the remainder of your box of Red Envelopes – next time, don’t your office postage meter when sending out your CSI work, the numbers can and will be traced by the men in blue.

Think long and hard…I am not the first, nor will I be the last, do you plan on sending Two Red Envelopes to all other guilty parties as well? That could take years.

Somethings pull apart and get back together, somethings are broken and never get back together, you figure out which one you are.

Before you go, read this http://www.clevervixen.org/2009/02/26/and-i-question-myself-againwhat-is-it-bout-men/

January 2009

It’s been a while since i’ve blogged, so let me catch you up. 1/15 I left a job of a year and 3 months. While I’ll miss some of the folks, it was a sinking ship and I needed to get off as I can not swim. I went to Vegas for 5 days…good Lord that was the place to be and I can not WAIT to go back. I met DMC (of Run DMC) at the airport, he was such a cool guy. I also met Harvy from Celebrity Fit Club, also a pretty cool kat, lord knows if that dude was my personal trainer, I would be in the best shape ever!!! I came back from nice warm Vegas to start a new job. Well it’s only been a week but so far so good. One boss (a guy) moves around like he’s on speed all day, he’s shorter than me, but does not appear to suffer from short man’s syndrome…lol…My other boss (a female) well I can not figure her out yet…I guess time will tell. I have to admit that for a single gal like myself, there is lots of eye candy…lol…

Hung out with the Cuzzo today, wow, I don’t think we’ve hung out since Miami, but as usual we fell back in to place like it was just yesterday. We saw Notorios, it was a pretty decent movie, though whoever that actor was that they choose to play Tupac, was a hot mess. For the life of me I can’t figure out why they could not find someone with a bit more resemblance. I mean we know that know Puffy is known for his crazy dancing, but they had him dancing throughout the movie like a damn baffoun.

My prayers have been answered in that my very good friend’s affairs seem to have fallen into place, this is the best and sweetest person that I know, someone who’s had my back for close to 15 years now and the thought of all of the craziness that the person was surrounded by was truly unfair. Now there is another gloomy situation out there to deal with, but i’ll continue to pray that “this too shall pass”. Friends for life!

Mini me, is just, that mini me…she’s is a teen and doing what teens do, I just need to keep her in my nightly prayers.

Ok, that’s it for now…you’ve been updated…lol

Smooches

Oh me…Oh my…

What a great day today is 1/20/09. The inaguration of our 44th president – Barack Obama. Oh I feel the tingles in my stomach, I can not even begin to imagine what he and his family must be feeling this morning and they awake on such a momentus day. Let us keep this man in our prayers as he takes on the biggest job that there is.

I truly feel blessed

If you’ve been reading this blog, you know that other than a few ups (ok a BIG up…finally earning my degree), things were kinda shitty in ‘08. Ok, yes, in hindsight, things could have been much worse so I do thank the Man above for watching out for me. You may also have read that the last day of the year was pretty traumatic for me, yeah, once again it could have been worse, but shit, to loose all of your hair in one sitting is pretty bad for me, then to wake up the next morning aka the 1st day of a brand new year with the same hair (Lord knows I prayed that it was a nightmare and that I would wake up with not a hair missing from my head). Let’s just say that I was non to happy. In the midst of that mini crisis and in the midst of this crazy economy, I was offered, not one, but TWO jobs within the span of about 2 weeks. Since the second offer was the better of the two, that’s the one that i’ll be starting in shortly. I have to admit that at this point 1/13/09, I truly feel His blessings, not that I never have in the past, but when the second offer came through, I felt as though Ed McMahon had knocked on my door with the million dollar check. I’ve promised myself to find happiness, do things that make ME happy, get over this haircut issue and just embrace it, hell it’s gonna take at least a good 6 to 8 weeks before it grows to a more mangeable length, no use being upset that long. Folks around me like it and I must admit that i’m kinda liking it too. I’ve promised to be  a better friend, stop texting and emailing and actually picking up the phone and having person to person conversations, but at the same time, I’m not going to be more of a friend to a person than they are to me. I’ve promised myself to speak up more and to also stay away from situations that have no positive effect on me or will not better my life in anyway. I’ve promised myself that no matter what a person’s opinion might be of me, to still be ME.

I’m not perfect, faaarrr from it, I know that I lots and lots to work on and anyone that can be honest with themselves knows that up until the day we die, we as humans will always be a work in progress. I’m not going to do things that others agree with, but as long as it’s not harming them or most importantly ME…i’m going to do them as long as it makes ME happy.

I currently have a very close friend that is going through a very difficult time and I wish that I could help, in this time, no words can comfort this person, I truly wish that it were Ed Mcmahon at my door, because that check is the only thing that can currently save my friend. I’ve been keeping this person in my prayers nightly in hopes that at the last minute, just when all hope is given up, something comes through and gets my friend through this difficult time. Today my friend hit me with more news and my heart sank, as blessed as I currently feel, I wonder why He is not bestowing His blessings on my friend. Why is He putting my friend through all of this, it does make me wonder if He listens to prays, but when I think that within 2 weeks I received 2 job offers, I have to admit that in fact He does, but in His time. I’ll continue to pray for my friend and ask that He delivers and rights both situations for this person. I’ve known this person way to long and this friendship means the world to me…you’ll get through this my friend, you’ll get through this…

Ahh to be 21 again

Today is my neice’s 21st birthday and all day I remienced about when I turned 21. I was mother to a 1 year old and had recently moved into my very first  apartment. I just knew that my 21st birthday was going to be this big shabang…but nope, it was just my little one and myself, a regular old day.

I hope that on this, my neice’s 21st birthday, that she is totally carefree, enjoying her day to the fullest and I look forward to us having our annual bday celebration at our favorite little spot.

Here’s you to niece…HAPPY BIRTHDAY…auntie loves you…smooches.